On self-love…

Small Letters: I could use the word obese, or overweight but those are not the words I use with myself, and let’s be honest, those are not the words you use either…

            “I took about one hundred pictures and I didn’t like one of them…” Does that sound familiar? My thoughts on my pictures are always: “I look fat, look at how big my under chin looks, look how thick my arms are…” and the list continues on things about myself that I don’t like but that are true, nonetheless.  And you might be thinking that I am being too harsh on myself, but am I?  When I got pregnant the first time, I was almost 200 pounds. I had morning, midday and afternoon sickness for 7 months and I lost over 50 pounds. It’s been the skinniest I’ve been in the last 6 years, however I lost weight because I threw up more than I could possibly eat not because there was a change in my mindset, my habits or my routine and today I sit here writing these letters and I am almost 200 pounds, once again. As recent as two days ago a friend took some pictures of me with the idea of having new pictures to post on Instagram and my blog and I found myself looking at the pictures thinking “Oh, I look fat, I don’t like it” and I was confronted with “oh, I am fat, what was I expecting to see in the pictures?”.  In an instant I started looking at the pictures differently, my lens was changed, all of a sudden, I liked the pictures, I liked the poses, and I knew what I had to write about.

            You will never be able to become who you are meant to be without first accepting who you are in the now.

In that moment, looking at those pictures I realized that today, and for the time coming until I change my mindset and habits, I will be fat, and I will look fat in pictures and in order to like what I see I have to realize that is where I’m at in the present and simply reconcile myself in order to move on forward. If I don’t accept that I’m fat I will always be expecting a skinny girl in the pictures and I will always end up destroying myself for it.  I remember that less than 2 months ago God said to me that until I was not able to love the woman I saw on the mirror, overweight, out of shape and unwilling to do anything about it, I would not be able to inspire her to change all those things I didn’t like. At the end of the day the only thing with the capacity to transform is love.  I’m not saying I love my obesity or my bad habits, I’m saying I can’t mutilate myself for it because in doing so I don’t change anything, I’m simply destroying my soul in the process.

Yes, God loves us as we are, skinny or fat, however, He also ordered us to guard and take care of everything he has trusted us with, beginning with our body and mind, and today I can’t say I’ve been living by that regarding my body. I’ve struggled with loving how I look ever since I can remember, some days more than others.

Self-love isn’t based on moods, it is based on our Christ given identity.

We need to go to the basics of who we are in God in order to become everything He has spoken about us. Today my life experience is about my physical appearance but our identity in Christ is the foundation of all of our relationships, it is the foundation of our lives.

Think about anything you are currently struggling with and then remind yourself of the identity God has given you. It will clear out the fog and make you remember who you are, what you’re worth, and how you should be responding according to that identity… Listen, it applies to EVERYTHING in life.  Knowing who you are does not eliminate life’s difficulties, but it does give you the tools to manage them, go through them, and overcome. Look at it this way, if you know you are meant to only have oranges, you will not receive anyone that tries to give you apples, but if you don’t know it you will walk around life receiving anything anyone wants to give you and you’ll end up empty and alone.  You can’t grow and become who you are meant to be if you don’t know who that is and if you don’t realize that who you are today is who is going to guide you to who you will be tomorrow… I’ve learned that if I don’t love “fat me”, I will not love “skinny me”, because the common denominator in those two is me. Don’t love yourself depending on your variables, love yourself in spite of them.

Dear reader, please, love yourself enough to change anything that makes you feel otherwise.

Love,

Bianca Paola 

7 thoughts on “On self-love…

  1. I liked your post very much. I agree wholeheartedly that love is the ingrediant that is needed regardless of someone being fat or skinny. You talked abit about habits and I just started working through a book that is really great for changing habits. I am only on chapter 3 and I love it. The book is Atomic Habits, by James Clear. Check out the book

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Love your transparency. What a difference when we look at ourselves as a child of God! He makes us think and see us from the inside out and according to his word. He confronts us and shows us no matter what; we are loved and are made in his image something we should never forget.

    Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

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